Associated guilt

Let me tell you about my day(s) because I often write about the particular quirks of our life, but it can be difficult for people to really understand. Hell, it's hard for me to understand. I'm going to try to quantify this, but it's really tough since it is a revolving amount; some weeks I am slamming busy and others I am not.

I took in sixteen final research projects last week, totaling 15-20 pages each; with these, I also collected sixteen job portfolios with cover letters, résumés, and work samples with a page total of 4-6 pages.  On the low end, that's 304 pages that have to be graded and reported.

I also have a 36 question exam (due by March 31) to write followed by a 41 question exam due in April. These both require research of source materials and then revisions if necessary once my editor returns them.

Add in three ungraded discussions plus a paper from 80 students (two sections, four classes total) following closely on the heels of these midterms exams and another paper, and catching up on discussions, a long paper, and three short papers for another online writing class of 10 students (this class has continued to drop away throughout the term).  There are also around 50 papers with another school waiting for me to get to and comment on.

On Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday last week I taught for at least two hours/day and hold office hours. This week, I launch a new class, grading to wrap up two classes, and begin prepping for a class that begins next week.

I have completed additional copywriting projects in between these as well. I do not know how many ads that actually comes to. A lot.

Sandwiched between all of this is my own writing and frantic typing. Plus this blogpost (which is completely a guilty pleasure).

Ah, I just remembered that I am also in the throes of an online class as a student, too.

Okay,  now you have an idea of that stuff. Here is how a typical day goes today:

Wake up at 10:30 or 11:00 (because I went to bed at 2:00 when I could no longer really work on my project because I was crosseyed and then read for 30 minutes until my eyes forced themselves closed on me) and get that wonderful, life giving coffee machine powered on and heating. As it grumbles to life, I'm stumbling over the computer and pulling up my current project. As I'm working on it, researching and writing, I'm also conducting my office hours for one of my schools. At this point, I have not showered nor dressed for the day.

Project in--1.5 hours on it total--office hours over, and on to the shower. Out, dressed, more coffee, peek in on Asher wherever she may have landed for the night and move her into a bath (I realize this makes no sense to people who don't know her, and for that I apologize, but that bizarre statement is pretty normal for us--we do have a dinosaur after all), talk about Scott's plans for the day, and then head off to my office with my computer to teach for however long. Throw in a break for a bowl of cereal and more coffee and internet surfing, and then another hour teaching. Squeeze in a few words on my own work-in-progress (that 500 words/day and I are still reconciling a balance), read about others navigating living odd lives like this to alleviate some of my anxiety and weird guilt, check some email, avoid other email.

The evening consists of more grading (always more!) and writing. Throw dinner in there somewhere that one of us will handle and both of us will eat, wrestling Asher into eat something which means force feeding her leaves so she eats something other than the sweets (mango and grapes this week), and I will do the tiniest of exercise routines in between different activities (waiting for dinner to cook and brushing my teeth moments) because taking a full hour plus to go to the gym, workout, shower, and come home feels like too much time away. Going to the gym is a decadence that leaves me feeling guilty when I don't go and guilty when I do. So to make up for it and assuage that guilt, I do tiny exercises and drink wine because wine feels healthier than beer.

I will probably have watched a few movie trailers because I really enjoy love watching movie trailers (when Scott is gone sometimes, I just watch the trailers to a lot of things and skip a full length movie altogether). I have also bunnytrailed (new verb, guys!) and read several articles about navigating race, diversity, sexuality, and gender in Hollywood and fiction. My Pinterest board and Scrivener notes dedicated to this are growing quickly. I also read a lot of articles from Salon, apparently.

I'm going to throw in some dishwashing as procrastination, too, because maybe writing this blogpost hasn't been enough.  I would have made some cookies but I forgot to get eggs at the store yesterday when I made a short escape.

Geez, this is why I don't quantify this. I'm a mess, my schedule is a mess, and somehow I still manage to be (kind of somewhat) productive in all of this.  It has taken the time since we moved to Portland to come to grips with the guilt I feel about sleeping in late and keeping such an odd lifestyle. I remind myself that I asked for this, in that tiny comment I made years ago to a friend in grad school with "All I really want to do is get a job that lets me work from home." Yep, the cosmos answered in that jolly way they have of taking our words and spinning them into some wild, barely-there semblance of what we meant (ask me about wishing for a beach some time).