Down from Zion to the plains of reality

We left Zion National Park, headed north to Bryce Canyon.  As we pulled from the park and the inevitable lack of cell service, Scott's phone began going crazy.  Mine ran out of juice while I was snapping away at all the rocks we were seeing.  Message after message and voicemails from my family along the lines of "Call me ASAP", "CALL ME OR MOM. It's an EMERGENCY", "Call me when you get a chance".

I hate these kinds of messages because you never know what news awaits you on the other end.  Messages and voicemails like this mean that you will not be the same as you were, your reality will not be the same as it was, before you make that call.  You have to brace yourself for that confrontation with a reality you don't want to exist.  And there is always the thinking of "If I don't call them back, nothing will change."

With shaking hands I called my youngest sister, Bee.  I figured if it was my grandmother or my dad (although there was a text from him so I knew that would be ok) that she would be better equipped to tell me than my mom would.

Our conversation, however, proved to be scarier than helpful.

Me:  Hey, it's me.  What's going on?
Bee:  voice wavering with tears Oh, Anna.....it's bad....
My stomach drops and I begin to shake as the adrenaline and endorphines flood my system.
Me:  rougher than I intend to be What is it?  Who is it?
Bee:  choking, sniffling  .....I can't tell you.
Me:  Should I call Mama then?
Bee:  Yeah, call Mom.  I'm so sorry...
And we hang up.

Oh god oh god oh god oh god

At this point I have enough adrenaline pumping through me and I am shaking so badly I can't hit the buttons on my phone.  It's bad.  It's really bad if she can't tell me.  I am sure I am shaking the car as we drive down the road.  Scott keeps looking over at me, trying to figure it out.

Me:  She couldn't tell me.  I have to call Mama.
Scott nods and keeps driving as I finally get the button pushed.

Me:  Mama, what's going on?  I called Bee but she couldn't tell me anything."
Mama:  Anna....I'm afraid I have some bad news...
(ohgodohgodohgodohgod.....) Now I'm really shaking, preparing myself for the awful news that my grandmother has passed away or that my dad is in the hospital or something has happened to my nephew or niece.
Me:  OK.....
Mama:  It's Joey, Anna.
Me:  sharper than I intend to be Joey....Doyle...?
Mama:  Yeah.  There was an accident...over July 4th....Anna, Joey was killed.
Me:  WHAT?!  HOW?!
(I'm sucking air so quickly at this point that I am close to hyperventilating)
Me to Scott:  Joey's been killed.
Mama:  A train accident in DC
Me to Scott:  A train accident in DC
Me:  What kind of train accident?
Mama:  He was waiting for the train and he fell off the platform
Me:  What?  Like a subway train?  How does that happen?  That doesn't make sense.  Are you sure about this?
Mama:  Yeah, someone sent a message to all the neighborhood kids on Facebook.
Me:  Oh no...
Mama:  There's an article on the William and Mary site
Me:  Services?  When is everything happening?  When do we need to be back home?
Mama:  I don't know, sweetie.  There isn't any information yet.  They haven't posted the obit.
Me:  drawing a deep breath OK, I'll let you know after I talk to some people.

My next call was to a good friend from high school, K.  I had to be the one to break the news to her.  We shared that moment of "if we don't have evidence this can't be truth moment" until she checked the William and Mary website.  I explained that I had gotten several odd, out-of-the-blue messages from people to call them even though we hadn't talked in years but that I hadn't called them because our bank account had been hacked and I was skeptical of anything odd coming through.  She had received some of these as well and would make the calls after all.

And so we sat at a visitor's center somewhere between Zion and Bryce Canyon and I cried and Scott held me while we tried to figure it out.  We finally realized that it was already Tuesday and we needed to make it back across the country to Oklahoma.  Scott began the long drive back for us.  He called his family to let them know and I was getting messages and calls from K as she was finding out more.  The funeral was to be Friday morning and we were so far from there.

Scott called his brother to be sure it was ok that we crashed with him in Denver.  His brother was living there with his girlfriend whom we had not yet met.  We drove the 10 hours back to Denver in one go, only stopping for gas.  Our drive was lovely and between my crying jags I was able to get some photos of the Utah to Colorado landscape.